Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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