we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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