Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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