Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
