My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
last night I used snow as a chaser
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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