Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
