I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
