Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
