Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I currently don't understand fingers.
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