I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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