This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
