I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
