saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize