I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
