jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
