i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
