dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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