when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
