first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
