Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
