??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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