a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
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Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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