i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
