i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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