I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
