Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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