Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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