I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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