Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
