I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
