I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
