I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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