I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
