fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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