At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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