Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
