Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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