Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
