You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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