I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
