We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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