I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
