You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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