If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My vagina is officially offended.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
