Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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