My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
