Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what day is it and did you see me today?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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