i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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