he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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