I met the friendliest cop last night
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think people are normalizing furries
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
