One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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