is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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