you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
