it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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