your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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