At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
