he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
