I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
