if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
