If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
