google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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