is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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