he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Randomize
