all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.