Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
