he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...