I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.