Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning