I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible