I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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