Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
