plz talk dirty to me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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