So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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