Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
