Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im about as happy as oj after his trial
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
