yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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