I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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