margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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