Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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