Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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